You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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