Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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