Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
