who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Randomize
