So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
