The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
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Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
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I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
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