Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I lost the right to judge tonight
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
