You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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