I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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