My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
