you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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