dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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