WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
