The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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