But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
