so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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