He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
