you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
