I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
