I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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