Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
