I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
