in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
