Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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