Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
