dude i'm inner monologue high
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
