My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
