I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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