I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
