I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
