why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
