My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
