i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
