i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
