I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize