Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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