every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
