you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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