giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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