So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
