Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
