Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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