Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
It's official drugs can't kill me
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
