it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
