and she was petting her beer can
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
