I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
