Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
