I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
