Capitaan dildo arrescate!
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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