Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
do herpes really smell.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
