I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
