Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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