hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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