What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
We left an ass print on the piano.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
