I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
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literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
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I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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