Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
