I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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