I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
