The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
