I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
