How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
