this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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