So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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