My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.