I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking