ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Is it because I queefed?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.