Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..