for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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