Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Randomize