Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
