i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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