Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
