you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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