My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
