Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
