man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
