o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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