OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
